Broken Nails

This weekend has been hard. I have had some disappointments but I also have had some good moments. Some friends of mine took me to see Finding Dory and that was a blessing. Being away from my anxiety for at least a few hours was marvelous.

I am guilty to admit that I slept in until almost noon. My week was has been long and I had a late night. I am sad – maybe depressed a little. I have been stressed this weekend and that has turned into being grumpy. I feel broken and confused about many things in my life. I am tired.

Because of the attitude that I had today my dad made me get out and walk my dogs with him. He said that we didn’t have to talk about my anxiety, that we could just talk about his new business that he wants to start. He told me that getting out would help me feel better and it did.

Not too far into the walk we walked passed a telephone pole. The polr is located on Main Street in the little town that I live in. The pole had dozens of nails in it from individuals posting flyers about lost pets, community events, etc. Each nail was uniquely bent. Some were completely pushed into the poll, some could easily come out, and all were bent.

The nails reminded me of each individual person that Yeshua died for. Each person being different and uniquely formed. Some hearts are completely hardened to G-d, while some desire to flee from sin. Romans 3:23 states: “For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of G-d.”

It amazes me that Christ was even willing to die for everyone; and I’m not even talking about the fact that He actually suffered for me even on the days that I’m grumpy and sad. For the times that I reject Him and His truth, and even when I do come back He welcomes me with open arms. It is mesmerizing to me.

The next time you are having a hard season, I challenge you to reflect what Christ did. It will help put things in perspective.


Trivial News

Today is June 15, 2016 today America mourns for those hurt and killed in the terrorist attack in Florida. I was shocked when I read about the news on my phone. I immediately became saddened for those affected by it. I can’t imagine what the friends and family of those affected must be going through. What a mothers emotions must be or how their community is changed. Wretched events such as this changes perspective about what’s important.

I have a hard time hearing about events such as this. I’m sensitive and I ache when I see others in pain. I like to focus on things that are enjoyable to hear about. What’s small compared to everything going on in the world. I can focus on the nutritional value of not eating meat and I can waste hours on Pinterest looking at shoes.

Two weeks ago America upset about a gorilla. The staunch pro-life community was mad about the number of abortions that had been done sense the gorilla issue, and nobody “seemed to care.” The animal rights community (more of my community) was ferous about the death of the gorilla.
A month ago we were upset over Targets new public restroom police. Many conservative Christians have signed a  petition to boycott the store. While some continue to shop there.
A about a year ago we were mad about #stopyulin2015. We added more hash tags onto twitter in hopes of stopping the Yulin festival. We petitioned and cried over animals being harmed.
Around the same time gay marriage become legal in all 50 states. I strongly remember scrolling through Facebook and seeing dozens of new posts about this. On person would be celebrating and another person was warning all of social media that God was going to destroy America because of this new law.
In the beginning of 2015 we argued if a dress was blue or gold.

Society is focused on rants and trends. Whatever is new and is easy to talk about becomes the new entertainment for awhile. For some reason we tend to believe that a Facebook status or a hash tag is going to change the world, or at least the make a difference. Theoretically it could but the chances of that happening is extremely low.

Most of my examples listened above are trivial. We are so consumed by issues that are seemingly pointless. What if instead of posting a  picture on Tumbler we send hand written letters to those in pain?
My challenge for you is to focus on what matters. Educate yourself about what’s going on in the world. Beware of the heartache not just the trivial news even though it can be hard to hear about. How much heartache is going to happen before we start focusing on the news that has changed lifes in negative ways?

If we spent half of the time cognitively trying making a difference as we spend going on rants on social media about trivial problems, where do you think the world could be?

Living Purposefully

It is summer and that means that time becomes a little longer to children who are on summer vacation. It means free(er) time and less routine. That in itself can be good, however, anything that is good can easily become distorted.

I start my summer job on Monday. I have had a month of free time to persue before I start work. Because I graduated I was finished with school a week before anyone else in my school and that has been great. I also am starting my new classes later in the fall then most who graduated with me and are persuing higher education.

With having more time to spare brings danger. The danger is to breath  without living. Trust me, it’s easy to do. Social media can be dangerous when it comes to this. Without realizing an hour on Facebook can easily pass. An evening of reality television can fly by. Or an afternoon gossiping with a friend may seem innocent but after all of that time is spent, how much have you accomplished?

I have to admit, I am guilty of breathing and not living. I have to give myself a reality check about this most days. I have been dealing with post-graduation sadness and not living purposely has made it worse. Wasting hours is self-destructing. I challenge you to limit the amount of times you check social media accounts. It can be addicting. Go out into the world and create art, help others, and make the world a better place. You can never get time back, but you can be resourceful with what you have. Use it wisely.

I Will Trust In You

June 20, 2016 is the official first day of summer. My summer, however, started a few weeks ago. I have stayed up later then probably should have, gone on some spontaneous adventures, and have devoted many hours to this blog.

I am a part of the proud class of 2016. Graduating has brought mixed emotions. Part of me is glad to be finished because high school was not a great experience for me. Another part of me is lost because I am suppose to have made this grand decision of what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. That’s a stressful choice to make when others are telling me different professions to major in. All of these emotions are natural ones to have, however.

A week before graduation I started to struggle with loneliness worse than I have had in a long period of time. I emotionally said goodbye to my best friend the first week of school. A friend breakup is hard, maybe even worse then a breakup with a significant other. As a senior I had to find my place in the school again, and I didn’t feel like I ever found it. This wasn’t the only person I drew apart from this year; in fact, I drew apart from many friends in the past year. My friends got boyfriends and girlfriends and I was pushed aside. I’m not bitter about that, I’m happy for them. This summer I have delt with summertime sadness, I’m lonely. But I also admit that I’ve pulled away from others because I’m tired of being hurt. My current logic is, “If I don’t get close to others, I can’t be hurt anymore.” Naturally that’s not helping with my loneliness. I understand this.

I’m trying to find my place and have grown closer to God while trying to do this. I have had to make it a habit to make time in my day to worship God. It’s the highlight of my day. My favorite song at the moment is ‘Holy Spirit’ sung by Fancesca Battistelli. I’ll sing it multiple times a day. Yesterday I was reminded of wonderful lyrics that gave me hope that this can pass. The song itself isn’t about loneliness but it certainly can apply.

“When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!”

I have noticed myself staring at my cell phone waiting for it to buzz more and more this past week even though I know it will not. I use my phone for the internet more than talking to others. I use to spend hours at a time talking to my friends venting about life and I haven’t done that in months. I have learned how to run to run to the throne, not the phone. That’s definitely a reason why I’m growing closer to Him through this. I am learning the hard way to keep God my number one priority.

In conclusion, try to stay positive about your circumstances, they will pass over time. Remember that you’re building character through whatever you are going through. Trust in Him.

What One Year Of Blogging Has Taught Me

Well, LamaLeah blog has been up and running for one year. The first post I wrote I talked about my dog, Moe. A lot has changed over the past year. Some were bad but others were wonderful changes.

The first lesson that I learned from blogging is its okay to open up. From the beginning of LamaLeah I was open about parts of my life that I barely speak to my friends about. My first few posts I would sit at the computer, typing, and tears would be flowing down my face. I had decided that I was going to be real, and that’s how I write. I have not changed nor will I change. I desire others to be authentic, so I have to start with being authentic myself, if I want to change the culture.

I have learned that my deep thoughts are worth sharing. Before LamaLeah blog I had no self-confidence about my ideas and thoughts. I’m not academically “smart.” I am happy to simply pass classes; it doesn’t matter what grade point average I have. I believed that wisdom and grade point average corrolated but I learned that’s not true.

When you speak the truth, others will become mad at you and that’s okay. When I write a post with TRUTH in it, I tend to receive a private message or two with someone trying to refute it. I try not to respond negatively; I don’t want to ruin my own testimony when responding to negative input. More people are reading than I realize myself. The people whom I least expect tend to read LamaLeah blog and I’m grateful for that.

I have learned that I don’t have to be an older adult to influence others and I can make a difference right now. I have been told that I don’t know anything because I’m young, but I refuse to believe that. I don’t let school interfere with my education. I do research and love looking at topics from different perspectives. I am humbly excited to say that in 2016 this blog has had views in 44 countries. We are halfway through 2016 and God can continue to do amazing things in the next half of the year. I give all of the glory to God Himself. I cannot take credit for what I write because I would not be able to do what I do without HIM.

My motivation for sticking with this for this long is the lyrics to this song. LamaLeah is going to keep being updated for a long time.

“If not us, then who?
If not me and you.
Right now, it’s time for us to do something.
If not now, then when?
Will we see an end
To all this pain?
It’s not enough to do nothing.
It’s time for us to do something.
If not us, then who?
If not me and you.
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when?
Will we see an end
To all this pain?
It’s not enough to do nothing.
It’s time for us to do something.”

Thank you all for reading. I’m grateful for everyone who reads my writing, even if some don’t agree with what I have to say. I love you all.