June 20, 2016 is the official first day of summer. My summer, however, started a few weeks ago. I have stayed up later then probably should have, gone on some spontaneous adventures, and have devoted many hours to this blog.
I am a part of the proud class of 2016. Graduating has brought mixed emotions. Part of me is glad to be finished because high school was not a great experience for me. Another part of me is lost because I am suppose to have made this grand decision of what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. That’s a stressful choice to make when others are telling me different professions to major in. All of these emotions are natural ones to have, however.
A week before graduation I started to struggle with loneliness worse than I have had in a long period of time. I emotionally said goodbye to my best friend the first week of school. A friend breakup is hard, maybe even worse then a breakup with a significant other. As a senior I had to find my place in the school again, and I didn’t feel like I ever found it. This wasn’t the only person I drew apart from this year; in fact, I drew apart from many friends in the past year. My friends got boyfriends and girlfriends and I was pushed aside. I’m not bitter about that, I’m happy for them. This summer I have delt with summertime sadness, I’m lonely. But I also admit that I’ve pulled away from others because I’m tired of being hurt. My current logic is, “If I don’t get close to others, I can’t be hurt anymore.” Naturally that’s not helping with my loneliness. I understand this.
I’m trying to find my place and have grown closer to God while trying to do this. I have had to make it a habit to make time in my day to worship God. It’s the highlight of my day. My favorite song at the moment is ‘Holy Spirit’ sung by Fancesca Battistelli. I’ll sing it multiple times a day. Yesterday I was reminded of wonderful lyrics that gave me hope that this can pass. The song itself isn’t about loneliness but it certainly can apply.
“When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!”
I have noticed myself staring at my cell phone waiting for it to buzz more and more this past week even though I know it will not. I use my phone for the internet more than talking to others. I use to spend hours at a time talking to my friends venting about life and I haven’t done that in months. I have learned how to run to run to the throne, not the phone. That’s definitely a reason why I’m growing closer to Him through this. I am learning the hard way to keep God my number one priority.
In conclusion, try to stay positive about your circumstances, they will pass over time. Remember that you’re building character through whatever you are going through. Trust in Him.