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I’m Not A Mother (right now), and That’s Okay

I am at the age that the majority of the peers I had growing up are experiencing life-changing events. They are graduating from college, getting married, and having babies of their own. This is CRAZY to me because I am only in my early 20s but in conservative evangelicalism, this is what they are doing.

Back when I was dating strictly within the church, having a family ASAP was the goal for almost every guy that I went out with. I was fresh out of high school, and having conversations about starting a family. If I hadn’t been invited to do a test shoot when I was 19 years old, I probably would be a housewife and have at least two kids by now. Would I be unhappy? I don’t know because I’ve not lived that life.

When I started going out with guys who are outside of my religious beliefs, the conversation always shifted. I was never asked if I wanted to have kids on the first or second date (or even at all). Instead, we talked about our hopes and dreams. I think that is a key difference between conservatism and the secular world. Depending on which clique you’re in in the Christian world, a female’s purpose is to have babies and raise them to love Church. To those not practicing religion, a female can do whatever the hell they want to in life.

To a degree, I understand the pressure to procreate. I’m sure that the older the childless women, the more pressure they experience to settle down. I am not here to judge anyone who chooses to be a parent. I want to remind you that it’s 100% alright not to want kids. Your purpose as a woman is way more than valuable than the ability to carry a fetus.

Before I have of my own I want to…

  • Book a big job. I’m not too picky on this one. It could be that Target Advertisement that I’ve been dreaming of for years, booking a role that would help me become eligible for SAG-AFTRA, or something for the Hallmark Store (the last one is the one that’s more likely to happen anytime soon as my Agency is a client of theirs and I audition frequently for them).
  • Figure things out for myself (or at least attempt too). The past three years or so have been strange. I’ve gone from being a bible thumper to exploring things/concepts outside of the religion that my mom raised me in. I went from thinking I knew everything about life, death, and morality, to realize I don’t know sh*t and honestly, nobody really does. Would I raise my future kiddos in religion? Honestly, I don’t know but probably not. If I did, I would make sure they make sure that an environment is created that free-thinking, questions, and open dialog is encouraged.
  • Have decent health insurance. This one is probably the most practical. Pregnancy and kids are very pricey. I know, that I’m not ready to be in a position to take care of another human being emotionally, physically, or financially. I am grateful that family planning is easily accessible.

Honestly, I don’t know if I truly see myself with the title, “Mommy” down the road. I enjoy things such as making last-minute plans to go out, traveling for auditions, and generally not having to stress about not having to take care of anyone other than myself. Right now, I am content at where my life is.

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With all the love,

-Leah

Email: lamaleahblog@gmail.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lamaleahblog/ & https://www.instagram.com/modellamaleah/

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