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Childhood Anxiety of being Left Behind

The other day, I wrote the post titled Constant Anxiety of Going to Hell and to my surprise, I received a positive response. With everything going on in the world with the Coronavirus, I thought that I’d discuss anxiety around the rapture. 

When I was preparing for the last post, I asked a few young people that grew up in the Evangelical circles if they had anxiety about not making it to heaven. Some had more anxiety about the rapture while others were worried about hell.

I commend my parents for not being obsessive about end times. This is something that we didn’t really talk about it until there was an election (yes, a part of my community believed that Obama was the antichrist) or during the American New Years’ Eve. Now that sounds like a lot, but in comparison to everything else that was spoken about, it wasn’t that intense.

I am semi from the Left Behind era. If you aren’t familiar with this cheesy film that was also a book series here’s a trailer.

Re-watching the trailer, I am reminded of how 90’s this was (even though it came out in the year 2000).

As I shared earlier, we didn’t talk about the end times too much. I was educated about it by watching this film. It amazes me how loosely the concept of the end of the world and heaven and hell was approached to young children. I was a child who wasn’t allowed to watch too much media that didn’t involve the Disney Channel.

After seeing the movie, I was told that the events in this movie were going to be real someday. This film was scary, but I knew that it was just that, a film. Being told that this would be real, scarred the actual hell out of me.

After that, I had anxiety about not being “Good enough” to go to heaven and I started having anxiety about being left behind in the apocalypse. Yes, difficult concepts for a child but yet this was the norm. Every time I lost my Mom in the store I worried that Jesus came and took her from me. If my parents were late picking me up, it always crossed my mind. This anxiety lasted for years. Again, similar to the concept of heaven and hell for the sake of my mental health I had to distance myself from the idea of an apocalypse. I think that lots who grew up the same way understand these feelings.

As you guys are aware, I’ve been more distant from the evangelical community in the past year and a half. I’ve been pushed away and have even questioned if I want to belong because of how the culture approaches certain issues. However, in the past few days, I’ve relived some end-time related anxiety. Maybe its because I’ve grown up to anticipate the world ending or maybe its because I’ve never experienced any real hardship and the first time I personally feel uncomfortable I write it off as Jesus preparing to come into the world.  

I don’t know if the coronavirus is the start of the apocalypse. With the evangelical community stating that every other event is the start of the tribulation, I’m not 100% convinced. If by chance it is the start of the end times, we have a wild ride ahead of us.

The coronavirus may pass over in the next few weeks, or it could continue to be a life-changing circumstance for the foreseeable future. Either way, it will be a story that we tell the next generation.

Now, I understand that I’ve been all over the place. I think a part of my readers will empathize with what I wrote, others will think Satan has control of my life, and a handful won’t even know what to think. My concluding message is I hope you find some kind of peace while the world is uncertain. Keep your physical distance from others but stay connected, and lastly wash your hands.

With love,

Lama-Leah

Photo Courtesy of Hande Cimenser

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Email: lamaleahblog@gmail.com

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