Those who are firm believers in purity (culture) you are probably shaking your head, just by the title. To be honest, by the time you finish reading this you might be praying for me (if you aren’t already). As I frequently say, please hear my out before writing a not so nice email.
Father daughter banquets, talks where the boys and girls were separated, Dannah Gresh, and Purity rings – This was my upbringing. Well not specifically MY upbringing but this is how my peers were raised. It was my school, it was the youth groups my friends invited me to, and it was what my friends tried to lead me too.
If we were given a sex education, it most likely wasn’t accurate. For some reason, the adults didn’t want us to know how our own bodies worked.
One thing was certain, the most important thing we could give to our spouse on our wedding night was our complete purity. Our entire life was seemingly supposed to lead up to our honeymoon, and if we made it to the alter wearing white God would bless us with an amazing sex life.
Shame was the name of the game. Purity culture taught us that everything revolving around sexuality was shameful. Are you LBGTQ+? Change your identity. Are you sexuality attracted to someone? Think of them as a brother or sister. Touch yourself? You should be spending more time in prayer. Oppress, pray, read the bible, repeat. Why? To protect ourselves from heartache, regrets and the wrath of God.
Being sexually pure was something we were proud about. We believed we were special and that God would bless us for staying holy.
I don’t blame the adults. I think they thought that they were doing what was best for their kids, maybe they had their own regrets and wanted to protect them. Maybe they aren’t comfortable with their own sexuality and so they force concepts of shame on to the next generation.
The past 10 months have been life changing, and not 100% for the better. Despite being abstinent from sex, I’ve been judged by others as if I was. I’ve lost friends, and relationships with family have been strained. I’ve been lonely. I’ve been deeply hurt, but I have created a new life, a life where I make decisions for myself and not because it’s what my culture would direct me to do.
Despite the culture I come from, I am making a statement that will raise some eyebrows, and I’ll probably lose some readers.
I boldly proclaim, that my virginity has nothing to do with my value.
I refuse to expirence shame over expressing my sexuality.
I don’t belong to my father or even my boyfriend.
I am a human being who is here to do more in life then simply get married as a virgin and raise children.
Even if I was sexually active, that doesn’t give anyone the right to be disrespectful or be a bully.
Despite the conservative Christian culture, it’s 2019 and it’s my choice of what I do with my body.
PC: Nerdy Studios
lamaleah.com 
Thank you so much for expressing your thoughts on subjects like this! I think a lot of us growing up in a Christian culture have felt very unprepared in the “real world” because of the secrecy built upon sexually. I know I personally have felt very alone with my own questions. Seeing your posts is so encouraging that it’s ok to have questions and to not want to adhere to the fear we have been taught.
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