“Hurt people, hurt people”
This is a phrase that describes a common cycle of bullying. As I have shared before, bullying awareness is dear to my heart because I endured years of bullying at a school who didn’t care to do anything about the situations that I was in throughout the years. I choose not to allow the roads that I have previously walked through to define me in a negative sense, but instead, use the pain as a source of strength.
As I have gone tremendously further then I was a few years ago, or even a year ago, I am the first to admit that some of the repercussions of bullying from the past still taint how I see myself today.
I still experience bullying on a regular basis. I share my life online and with that comes trolls, weirdos, and bullies. I try to be as transparent as possible but everyone has their own opinions when you do that.
Recently, a photo of myself was turned into a small advertisement. I was (and still am) overly thrilled for this to happen. As an aspiring model, I am always excited when my photos are used for something practical. I am proud of myself and the team who worked on this project.
Last week, a former bully came across this photo. I was given a new ‘Name’ that I had never been told before. I was called a, “Big Eared Bitch” I laughed when I was told this, especially because my Dumbo years are the only feature that I have that has never been bullied (at least to my knowledge).
I began thinking about how the perspective others have of me have shaped who I am today. For instance, I have been tormented about the way my eyes look for years, and because of that, I tend to hide them. It wasn’t until I got photos back from a photoshoot this spring that I began to see beauty in my eyes. I had been hard on myself for years and came to the realization that I was being a bully towards my own appearance. In fact, I have been a bully my entire life. I had dealt with ‘Hurt people’ and that turned into hurting myself for years. I changed how I saw myself on an outward and inward way.
The Leah that I was when I started sharing my life on the internet, would have found a new insecurity of my ears. I would have taken every photo down that I ever posted of my ears. Today I am going to make a conscious decision to look at myself in the mirror today block out what a bully would say to me, and visualize what the KING would say to me. I am going to be reminded that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I am loved, and that I am the daughter of the highest. I am going to verbally say that I have BEAUTIFUL ears, eyes, face, and body because I was created with a purpose. Most importantly, I am going to make the decision not to be a bully, not towards or myself.
PC: Nerdy Studios
2 thoughts on “When You Realize You Are A Bully”
I LOVE this post! It is very true. I have having to learn how to be kind to myself after being bullied all through school. I have to remember that I am a daughter of the King, and whatever they said does not define me. Thanks for being brave and sharing.
You are so stunning. And I’m so happy that you’ve found the beauty within yourself. God bless.