“How do you get a guy to back off? Tell him you are Messianic and you will probably just scare him away.”
LOL. If you are Messianic and have ever been looking in the romance department, you can probably relate too well to this joke!
Dating and romantic relationships, in general, are a funny, odd, and sometimes just frustrating when you identify as Messianic. I have had a few non-serious, romantic relationships, but have only been in one relationship with another man who identifies as Messianic. While I keep aspects of my life both very open and very private, my ‘love life’ is something that I haven’t shared much about on my blog, or even on my social media. While I don’t see the need to share about ALL of my dating experiences, I will share about two that broke my spirit and gave me hope that it may be possible to find a Messianic man.
I was 16 and fell for a guy that seemed completely opposite of me, at least from the outside. He was real with the world, and I appreciated that more than anything. We were both extremely broken at the time, and were able to find comfort in each other. Deep down, I knew that we weren’t going to last, “Forever” even though, at the time I wanted that. We dated for several months, and I found out that his parents (who I had never met), didn’t like me, because I was messianic. His parent’s opinions of me stemmed into our relationship, and it wasn’t too much longer before they had a long list as to why they didn’t like me. After several months, he broke my heart, and I can’t help but wonder if it had to do something with the fact that I was Messianic. His parents made several remarks, about it, and so did he. To them, I was in a cult, which I had a suspicion that they were simply anti-sematic . I am grateful that things ended because I cannot imagine being in a relationship with someone who is prejudice against the Jewish nation.
The next guy that I am going to share about happened more recently. I was in high school, but close to graduation and I realized that there was a new guy in my congregation, who was very cute. I didn’t know his name but knew that he was probably significantly older than me and knew that I should hold off on making a move until I graduated. The winter preceding graduation, I got to know the nameless guy better. I was correct, he was significantly older than me. We ended up in a relationship by Valentine’s day. As I am not used to having a true connection with people, in a platonic or romantic way because of my religious roots, and it was strange to have that. The entire relationship seemed surreal but in a good way. It was a positive relationship but after a few months, we realized that we were both going different places in life, as we had an age difference that was more than a few years.
Romance is a tricky thing as a Messianic young adult. First of all, where do you find someone? The Messianic community in my area is very small, but also I refuse to go to Temple with the intention to find someone. I go to worship God. Also, is it okay to date someone who isn’t Messianic if they are Christian? Throughout my life, I have generally felt more acceptance from guys who wouldn’t consider themselves to be religious at all.
Today I am single, but I know that I have several ladies in my synagog who would be more then willing to try to set me up with a partner if I asked them too. I am perfectly fine being single as I am very focused on my dreams and goals. I don’t feel like I am ‘Missing’ anything. Especially, as I have little time, even for my friends. At this point, I feel perfectly content in my life. Although I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to a romantic relationship, at some point, but within this season I am not going to simply ‘wait around’ for a guy.
I hope that this gave you a little bit of insight on dating as a Messianic. If I am supposed to settle down one day, I have faith that I will somewhere, and somehow find a Messianic man. However, in the meantime, I have a lot of stuff to get done.
-Leah
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