I write this with great heartache.
The pain that I am experiencing is unbearable and I can’t live this way anymore.
The demons of my past are taking over my soul.
For I have been hiding how much pain that I am actually in.
For years I have been finding the strength to stay strong but I can no longer seem to find it.
By the time you will read this, it will be too late.
I am no longer going to be a burden to the world.
Do not blame yourself, this is my choice
I love you more than you can imagine, this is why I must make this decision.
I write you this time with joy in my soul
The pain that I experienced was unbearable, but I received help. I have learned not only how to cope with it, but find joy within any circumstances even if it is just an ounce of joy.
The demons of my past that had overtaken my memories no longer have a place in my life. For I no longer have to life in the past.
For years I hid how much pain that I was actually. I over time however I was able to find a smile that was not fake.
Holding on just a little bit longer was the best decision that I have ever made. I did not think that life could get better, but I was wrong. I truly belive that I was placed on this earth for a purpose.
I am going to continue searching and achieving this purpose. My story has an eliminate of hope and I need to share this hope with the world.
It was my choice to want to try to die, but I am eternally grateful that I didn’t and am still here today.
I love you more than you could ever imagine. I am starting to realize that if my plan hadn’t fell through, I would have caused so much heartache to my loved ones. At the time I believed that I would have been doing the world a favor by leaving it, but I have realized that nobody else can take my place in the world except for me.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or actions, please know that there is always hope. ❤ NOBODY can replace you. You are absolutely priceless for endless reasons. It has been on my heart to cover this topic with my Lama-Leah readers. On January 22, 2015 at the age of 16 I tried to end my life but God had other plans, so much beauty came out of my pain and story. A few months after my attempt, I began to anonymously share my heart on this blog. A little over a year after I started blogging, this site started impacting individuals in ways that I could never imagine. If I could go back to that cold January night I would have told myself, “You have no idea what God has in store for you and the ride is worth it.” This pain is temporary and easier times will come. Life is worth the journey. To find resources for help head over to the page titled, “Hoepline Help.”
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