My past four weeks have been crazy but in the best ways. I took a step of obedience and went where God has been calling me to go. It seems to be the only topic that I have written about lately, but I am truly excited to see where God is going to take me. However, the past few weeks I have been struggling. I know without a doubt that this is where I am supposed to be in this season, however, I have shamefully questioned Him. I have felt that I am not talented enough to be a professional performer. I have compared my talent to the talent of my peers who are also going through this program. God has given me confidence and a peace about sharing my talents with the world, but sometimes I still question where exactly He is taking me. In four months I am going to model, act, and sing at a conference with professionals in the entertainment industry being in the audience. I realize that I have been given a several once in a lifetime opportunities and am truly honored and grateful for them.
It has been long weekend. Friday morning started bright and early. My shift at the coffee shop started at 7 am and I have been going ever since then (it is Saturday night now). Throughout the busyness He has continued to teach me through His Holy Spirit. He has reminded me in various ways of three aspects this weekend:
1) Walk this new journey purposefully.
2) I may not feel as if I have enough talent but He has it under control.
3) Even within my insecurities He has reassured me that this is exactly what I am supposed to be pursuing (but this story is for another blog).
There has not been a day since becoming a part of AMTC that I don’t think about the conference that I will be preforming/competing in. I have spent countless hours preparing mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have changed my lifestyle, diet, habits, and have set goals as a performer. Yet within this time of preparation, I have at times lost sight of why I am even a part of AMTC. I auditioned for the program because God showed me that I am supposed to be a missionary and a light within the entertainment industry and our culture. At times I have been caught up in the motions of “preparing” that I forget the greater purpose of why I am training.
I may not be fully equipped now to enter this mission field, but He would not have called me if He not planned on leading me down the path I’m on. I have confidence that I am enough to make it in this industry. I have enough — musical talent, personality, and even physical beauty. Not because of anything that I have done but because of the way that He has created me. At times, I may be uncomfortable but I expect this. Being a follower is not about comfort. We are called to make disciples and be a light on this dark world. In the end, at the final judgment God will compare what we did and did not do on this earth. I don’t desire to waste any more time not sharing the good news just because I have a few insecurities. Through HIM I can find strength to do anything.