To the Young Lady in the Mall

This weekend I went to the mall with my mom. After shopping for awhile we decided to take a break. As we were sitting I noticed a group of ladies sitting not too far away. It was a beautiful girl who appeared to be in her early twenty’s, her mother, her aunt, and the older women’s children were there too, but they were playing in a designated area for children. As I am trying to mind my own business, the group near me seemed to become louder and had more of a sense of urgency in their conversations. What I could pick up was that the mother and aunt were desperately trying to get the young lady to leave her boyfriend; he doesn’t treat her well. She, however, did not want to listen to what they had to say. I almost went over and joined their conversation but I didn’t have the opportunity. To this young woman – read the words that I have to say .

~ I know how it feels to be treated poorly by those who supposedly love you. When you are used to this, it becomes easy to let anyone use and abuse you. It is hard to let someone genuinely love you when this is normal for you.

~ You are the role model to your younger sisters, those related by blood and not by blood. They are looking up to you! You may not realize it now but when you stay in an abusive relationship you are sending these girls the message that it is FINE to be in a romantic relationship where he doesn’t treat you right. Do you want your little sister to think that it’s okay for her boyfriend to hit her?

~ Your mother and aunt love you so much! They wouldn’t be begging you to leave him if he was a good guy!

~ What if you become pregnant? I never want to say that pregnancy is something that is bad if you are not in an ideal situation. I believe with all my heart that despite any circumstance that a woman becomes pregnant something great can come out of it. BUT if you get pregnant with his child, he will most likely run- if you’re lucky. What kind of situation will you be in then? What would be  worse is if he stayed? Even if he doesn’t abuse the child, the child will grow up in a home believing that abuse is normal! Is this the kind of mother that you want to be?

~ You have to make the decision to leave him. Anybody can talk to you and try to convince you to leave but ultimately it’s your choice. By the way that you were responding to your mother’s plea, I could tell that you were not ready to leave. I don’t even know you and I want you to leave, I’ve personally seen the affects of staying in an abusive relationship. Satistically, we all know someone who has personally been affected by some form of abuse. If you are trying to convince someone to leave feel, free to share this with them!

My last point is the most important.

~ You are worth so much more!!! As I stated earlier, it is hard to let someone love you, when you’ve had a twisted view of what love is. Several of my so called friends have used emotional abuse as their form of love. When you’re use to this, these relationships can be addictive. It wasn’t until I found my value before I let those relationships go. I can assure you that you deserve more in a significant other. You may be thinking that you’d rather be in an abusive relationship then no relationship at all. I can promise you that being single and away from the abuse feels so much better than having a relationship status. You could be single for the rest of your life, but I doubt it. If you do stay, is it worth the hardship?

Remember that if you change your mind, there’s always a way out. It might not be pleasant or easy, but I know that you can do it.

With love, Lama Leah