The Planning Of Not Planning

Hello readers! I hope that you are having a wonderful week! My week has been eventful to say the least.

Yesterday I modeled with 4H for the ICT Sewing Guild. I’ve done this before. It’s a fun little event to do and takes a grand total of 45 seconds to do the modeling. This year was a tad different though. My outfit had a pair of four inch heals. I was terrified about falling; to the point that I was having nightmares for several days about tripping. I was so stressed that by the time I was actually performing I hadn’t thought out what I was to do on the ‘runway’ until I was actually walking up it. I turned in a circle and when my back was facing the audience I thought, “Okay, I got this far, now what am I going to do?”

Long story short, I made it through the event without tripping although I sure felt akward. After my modeling I went to Starbucks with my mom. I didn’t change my dress or my shoes. Then I went to Whole Foods  (❤). Surprisingly I didn’t receive any funny looks (I was wearing a prom dress too!). In that situation I felt comfortable. I stood out, for sure, but that didn’t bother me. I was confident.

Later in the day I wasn’t having as much fun. I went to enroll for class and the school I was hoping to attend cut the program I was interested in. This was the only school nearby that offered this certification. It’s the first week of August and I have no idea what I’m going to do this fall. Most schools start in a few weeks and I have to figure something out, quick. My day that was going great became stressful.

If there’s something that God has taught me this summer is planning doesn’t always work. My entire senior year I kept changing me plans for after high school. With a few weeks left of school I finally thought I had  my plans for the summer and for the fall. I remember my mom saying to me, “I’m proud of you. You have things planned out.” I moved to a different location for a summer job that I had gotten but had not yet started. I wasn’t there too long before moving back home because of some circumstances. I’ve spent my summer babysitting and house sitting instead. God has continued to be great though. He has blessed me with a consistent number of jobs through the summer. Now that I am not going to go to school right away I am having a hard time trusting Him. I know that He has made a perfect plan for me. I just want to know what it is. What I’m suppose to be doing this time period, and really what I’m suppose to do with my life. As a new high school graduate there’s so much pressure to have life “completely” planned out. But life changes all the time.

I can’t help but think about Passover – Deyanu – “It would have been enough.” 

If hadn’t had the privilege of going to a private Christian school ~ Deyanu! If I didn’t even have the option of continuing education ~ Deyanu! If I hadn’t been born in a wealthy country ~ Deyanu! If God didn’t give me a synagogue to go to and be encouraged and I had to go to a Sunday church ~ Deyanu! 

My list could go on for hours. I told you about my akward modeling experience for a reason.

1) I was so scared of falling that I couldn’t enjoy the moment ~ I need to focus on rising instead!

2) I didn’t have a plan but I made it through and did fine. The only difference now is I didn’t have a plan for walking around a room. This is life.

3) It’s okay to ask, “Okay I got this far, now what?” But finish your three point turn and keep walking afterwards

4) Embrace your overly dressed up outfit. Be different and be confident.

I am Lama-Leah, class of 2016 and I don’t know what I’m going to do this fall but I can’t stress because being stressed won’t do a thing. Please keep me in your prayers as I try to figure out this thing called life! God is good and He’s never failed me yet.