Confidence is Silent but Insecurities Scream.

“Confidence is silent but insecurities scream.”
Well, isn’t that the truth?
As a teenage girl, I cannot tell you the number of times I have had conflict with another young lady because of this.

I distinctly remember one of the first times I was in one of these situations. I was at dance class (probably when I was about six years old) and for some reason me and a few others were arguing who would be front and center in this dance. One  of the little girls, who was more dominant in the group than the other girls, said,
“Well, I’m a better dancer so I need to be in the middle.” That day I was in my first physical girl fight. Just kidding! I didn’t say anything to her: I moved over to give her more space she thought she rightfully deserved. A few weeks after that I told my dance teacher what she said and the little girl apologized to me that night.

During that season of my life I was involved in lots of little incidents such as that. As I’ve grown older the actions of insecure girls around me have become bolder.
From a peer telling me that she is a better dancer than me to receiving anonymous notes in my locker telling me I have creepy eyes, or being told not to have conversations with certain people because they have a crush on who they don’t want me to talk to, or certain girls giving death glares. I can kinda tell when someone is insecure about themselves!

Girls, when you are being all mean and nasty to each other, you are saying more about yourself than whatever you are doing to them. How much does it really truly do for you when you become the bully?

It is extremely obvious when you are not confident in yourself. It can go two ways: 1) You are constantly doubting yourself and it shows girl #2 she can easily be controlling you; 2) When you find fulfillment in bringing others down. Ask G-d to fill you with confidence and focus on yourself getting better and don’t worry about those around you.

I am not to good at the whole being confident thing myself. I love playing my violin but I know I’m probably not going to be the next great violinist. When I had just begun playing, I had two strict conductors who influenced me in a not so positive way. One especially would publicly embarrass me in front of my peers. After many rehearsals, I would leave the room rehearsals were in and just run away. A few years later I built up my confidence to play for a group by myself, afterwords a teenager, who does not have any filter on their mouth, approached me and said, “I should have brought my instrument so we could’ve been terrible together.”

Just a few months ago I was playing violin and my friend was playing piano and we decided to play in a different location in the house that we hadn’t been before (some place that others could actually hear us), I played the first couple of notes of the song and two listening ears started rudely laughing at our music but they especially targeted me. Needless to say, I’ve had a hard time playing in front of anyone since then.

When it comes to posting on Lama-Leah I am always skeptical because English teachers have always handed back my papers with the piece covered in red ink. YOU, my  readers, have helped to show me that not necessarily everything that I have ever written is completely terrible. Maybe different ways of looking at things isn’t always a bad thing.

“Confidence is silent but insecurities scream.”
If you are truly confident about yourself, you will not have a need to put others down. Be the best you can be youself and be happy with that. When you compare yourself to others, all it does is it makes you judge youself harder. The one you are comparing youself to may be prettier, smarter, more athletic, a better dancer, or whatever it is, but most likely you don’t know what is actually going on in their life. They may be physically prettier because they wear lots of makeup and have gotten bullied for their appearance. They might be smarter, but they could spend hours studying late at night to assure an honor roll medal. Whatever it may be, the point is YOU DO NOT KNOW what is actually going in their life. Even if you are not 100% confident in yourself, fake it until you believe it youself.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself.

Blessings to you Lama-Leah readers!


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